Rantings

Today's Thanksgiving for Americans, but not for me. I have to say I'm pretty sad about that--just because I've been known to call it "Needless Turkey Murder Day" doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it. We always go to my aunt & uncle's house, and my uncle is an amazing cook and usually has something I can eat and I just really love seeing family. I got really sad on the bike ride home. Then I fell off the bike after crashing into someone. Then I got sadder.
This isn't my country. Just because I like bikes doesn't mean I can keep pretending I belong here.

There was an ad in a right-wing newspaper where it showed a bunch of muslim women wearing the head scarf things and the caption translated approximately to "Be Like Us Or Leave." I found this incredibly hurtful, and I'm not even muslim. While I imagine it must be nice to have a strong cultural identity like the Danes (i.e., they used to all look the same, so you felt like you were at home if you were surrounded by other blonde people...), I have to say that I love that Americans can't pretend we're not a mixing pot. I think I offended my Danish teacher when I spoke up about the ad being hurtful and a little unreasonable. She explained how a muslim woman couldn't work in a department store if she wore that because "it just wasn't right." I said that I could see how certain jobs require a certain look--like you have to be pretty to be a receptionist at some places, or if you're representing people you should probably look like them. But a salesgirl? My teacher stared at me. I said, "why not? what about salesperson requires a bare head?" She just kept kind of putting her hands out, saying things like, "It just doesn't work." I said, "it's just a headscarf. There's not a law about how to dress here." Someone in class mentioned that it's an attitude thing, but I disagree. I mean, I have two facial piercings, but I don't think that means I have a rebellious or disrespectful attitude. (If you know me, you might know that I'm actually quite deferent to authority ['cept my dad, he'd probably say] and that I'm also really quite obedient.) Why do people think that appearance means something so deep about you? Sometimes I wear indian clothes just because I like them--it's not because I have an Indian-like attitude that day. (I mean, what does that even mean?)
My teacher said it's illegal to carry knives in Denmark, and some immigrants or kids of immigrants break that law. This is OF COURSE unacceptable. It's a law! It's a danger! But a headscarf?
People in class also brought up that if you went to middle eastern countries you'd have to dress like them. I thought, duh. Those countries are quite frankly a little crazy! (I know that's a huge generalization but I don't know how else to say it.) People don't go to the middle east expecting to be free to be themselves. But I'm willing to bet middle eastern immigrants come to various places of europe hoping for just that thing. for freedom from a tyrannical government, for peace, for health care, for jobs. I think it's really sad that they can't be allowed to keep something as simple as a head scarf from their past life, from their culture, from their heritage, without being blamed for making Norrebro into "Pakistan." ( I live in Norrebro. When my teacher said that I had to work to keep my mouth shut. It's not freakin Pakistan. Yeah, there's a few more falafel places, and some muslim clothing stores. That doesn't make it Pakistan.)

The point is, this isn't my country. And while we've got our own immigration issues, I think I prefer them to those of the Danes.
The point is, I want to go home.

P.S. Dostoyevsky

P.S. I just thought I would share this weird coincidence: I read Dostoyevsky's The Idiot while on my travel break. And here are the last few sentences (don't worry, it ruins nothing about the story) :

" 'Enough of being carried away, it's time to serve reason. And all this, all this abroad, all this Europe of yours, it's all just fantasy, and all of us, while we're abroad, are just a fantasy... mark my words, you'll see for yourself!' she concluded, almost angrily, as she parted from Yevgeny Pavlovich."

How strange! Is it true? Partly. It does feel like a sidenote in the novel of my life, like a quick aside that would be followed by, "but I digress.." if it were amidst the whole story of me.

I just thought that was odd. Good book, by the way.

I think it's something like 38 days left...

Things I am Not Looking Forward to at Home:
1. Driving - It's been real nice being off the roads. At school, I can manage on my bike, but not at home.
2. Siding - you know like on houses. Even the so-called "suburbs" here have respectable building materials--they even have those wavy tile roofs in the cookie cutter developments. I am dreading the proliferation of siding that dominates any given community in America.
3. Grocery shopping, American style - as in, going once every two weeks and stocking up. (I am, however, looking forward to the availability of stuff.) But I will seriously miss just picking up random ingredients on my bike ride home, so that by the time I'm back to the apartment I have a whole dinner in my bike basket, just waiting to be cooked. I will miss the fruit stands for breakfasts/lunches. I will miss being embarrassed by how many times I go to the health food store for snacks (well, sort of).
4. The Lack of Bike Lanes - Damn they make it easy. I mean, not only do I find helmets unnecessary here, I don't even usually wear my glasses. It will suck having to pay super good attention again while on my bike. Also, the hills... oh Lehigh, why must you be on a mountain...
5. Spelt bread, marzipan vegan pastries, those rum ball things, fancy chocolate... - and a few other random european things (although i'm vowing to learn to make them on my own when i get back).
6. Seeing How Everyone's Different and Their Lives went Smoothly Without Me - that's gonna suck.
7. Finishing Grad School Applications - and then actually turning them in. that will be scary as hell.
8. The Lack of Graveyard - The graveyard is by far my favorite place in Denmark, possibly the world. It is where Kierkegaard is buried, and it is just the best place I can think of. Here is a picture of me with Soren's grave.





Things I am Definitely Looking Forward to at Home:
1. Bulk foods - so i can get nuts, dried fruit, and beans without all those plastic bags!! i am so sick of that here.
2. Spices - I have been "spicing" everything with the only spice in my apartment because I wasn't going to buy spices just for a few months here. I don't even know what the spice is, I think it's oregano.
3. A BED - my situation here is like so: i sleep on cushions on a hardwood floor. there are two cushions, attached by a piece of fabric, and also attached to some plywood (onto which they fold to form a love seat during the day). the cushions are each about 2.5 feet by 4 feet. so my sleeping area is 5 feet by 4 feet, and i sleep with my head on the plywood. Suffice it to say, my back is freaking killing me and I am so so so looking forward to any and all beds in my vicinity at home.
4. Bath tubs - ahhhh to take a bath again...
5. My Family and Friends - I always used to say "i'm good at making friends" but this is apparently not true. I spend a vast amount of time alone, which is fine, but it will be nice to be around loved ones again.
6. Loose Tea!! - I'm so done with these bags!
7. SUBWOOFER - no other explanation necessary.
8. MY GUITAR AND PIANO OH GOD - I am going to hug them possibly before my cat even. i miss them so much. although, also:
9. MY CAT. - oh, noodles.

travels

Have returned from travel break.
It went like this:

Various Aspects of My (Danish) Life

I would like to introduce you to several aspects of my life in Denmark.
For one thing, I haven't been able to get my window to fully close the entire time since being here. They do a lot of construction here and it's loud and a lot of people freakin smoke, and I smell that a lot, and I just constantly battle this window until I am exhausted, trying to get this little crack to finally cease to exist. I even wrote a poem about it, it bugged me so bad... Well about five minutes ago I heard a jackhammer and said, "screw this! You will close!" And you know what?!??! It DID! This is the lack of crack in between my window and my apartment! I am so happy about this!



Next up, we have Danish food. Danes don't really have one, major, type of food that is theirs. They eat a lot of meat and stuff, but really the only Danish thing is the Smorrebrod. This means "butter bread." Not so vegan. However! This refers to any kind of sort of open-faced-sandwich dealy, usually including lots of nonvegan things, but for breakfasts there are always jams and honeys, and this is where i can participate. So allow me to show you my first ever actual Danish breakfast provided by myself (which happened about ten minutes ago). (I've had Danish breakfasts at hostels and stuff, but I hadn't actually bought my own yet. Well here we go...)


Exciting, right?!?! Jam on bread! But seriously, I'm happy that I can feel Danish in this one, small, way. They eat a ton of meat here, so generally anything "traditional" is off-limits for those of us with a cruelty-free-chromosome (copyright Envirowoman).

Lastly I want to tell you about Kai. Kai and I came together on the short, 3-day study tour we had about a month ago (wow has it really been a month?). Who is Kai, you ask? No, not some svelte Danish lover. Kai is a frog. The story goes like this: We had a little sketching contest in groups during our tour, where we had 2 hours or so to draw 4 sites or something, and basically whichever group's drawings were the best (in various ways) got a prize. Now, I'm not so goodly with the sketching. I had been feeling really bad about my sketching abilities since my Urban Design Journal course, in which I was surrounded by talented people and presented what could be called "chicken scratches" (but vegan: tofu scratches?) and felt really awful about it. Well, I found myself hoping on this silly little exercise that we would win maybe 2nd or 3rd place--because even though it was just a silly contest, I really wanted some kind of reassurance about my drawing. Well, they announced the third place: "This group answered the questions really well..." and I thought, "i know that's not us, because we didn't even answer the questions.. great well we definitely won't win if even third place answered the questions.." Then second place was announced "they didn't draw the fourth one-" (i got excited because WE didn't draw the fourth one) "-but they also answered the questions nicely." Well I've given up hope. But lo and behold... they announce first place.. "even though they didn't draw the fourth one or answer the questions, this group experimented with medium and layout..." and it was us!! And actually I was the one who experimented with medium (colored pencils, woot!) and we all had pretty cool layouts, so I even felt like I contributed to us winning, not just tagged along for the ride. So, our prizes? Randomly distributed stuffed animals. Once we unwrap them, our tour leader asked to see them again to explain to everyone who/what they were. Well, there were four--a pair each from two different television shows. One show was about how great the social welfare system is, haha, and those characters were a mouse and a girl. The other show is called Kai og Andrea, and is about these two craaazy animals (frog and parrot? parakeet? bird thing) and their craaaazy adventures. and these two are "...BEST FRIENDS!" (our tour leader smashes them together for emphasis.)
So I'd like to formally introduce you to Kai. (Although the Danes are against formal introductions. So instead I'll invite you (the internets) and Kai to a party where he doesn't know anyone, and then let him stand around feeling awkward, and no one will go talk to him, and after this happens several hundred times, consider yourself introduced. This is the Danish way. I'm not kidding.)


So when I start getting down about my drawing, I have a short conversation with Kai, and feel a little better.
Me and him are gonna enjoy some tea now. We'll catch you chumps later.

Free Hugs in Kobenhavn and Amsterdam

I have given two "free hugs" in my lifetime, both in major European cities (the only two major European cities I have been to). I hope that this becomes a trend, and that I am able to give one in Leeds, one in Geneva, one in London... and anywhere else I go that's considered a major European city. I would like that.
(Note: these have happened entirely by chance. the first time was just a girl walking down the street, holding the sign. i went way out of my way to hug her. the second time, in amsterdam, was a group of people. might have been a demonstration. either way, i just stumbled upon them and have therefore hugged complete strangers in completely strange cities.)

STARS and other travel thoughts

i am blogging to stay awake!
for yes, i have returned from the land of only technically illegal marijuana. amsterdam. and i'm quite tired. thoughts on amsterdam? well, it's quite low-key, but i suspect that had something to do with the odors wafting off of every person we walked by. in any event, it was the best weekend ever!! which had pretty little to do with amsterdam and a lot more to do with Stars.
for one thing, this was the first time i have ever completely planned my own traveling. my momma does most (read: all) of it for me, which i find wonderful because it stresses me out. but you know what? i planned this trip and it was a huge success, so i'm pretty happy to know i can do that. i even drew maps about how to walk from the bus station to the venue (a rather long 3 miles) in professional ball-point pen scribbly goodness on the back of a notebook. and we got there, and we saw stars!
a word about stars: they must not be as well-known as i thought they were, because the venue was TINY. which is AMAZING. as such, we were in THE EXACT FRONT ROW. as in, leaning on the stage. and as such as such, we (my new friend nate and i) had some very personal experiences with several of the band members.
these included: (a) we were ogling amy millan backstage before they came out, going, "is that really her?!" and she waved at us! and we waved back: nate sheepish, me beaming. amy can be seen here:
(b) after the concert, the guitar player (apparently new to the band) walked right up to me and just handed me his guitar pick! i am not even kidding! he then threw a couple others into the crowd. i think he singled me out because, well.. i was sort of the only one REALLY dancing. tom and kat can attest to how much i enjoy a good dance party, especially at concerts, and they also know how much i love stars. well, i wasn't going to let an immobile crowd of dutch people stop me. so i flailed about in all my "i'myournumberonefannnn!!" glory, and i think perhaps the guitar player appreciated this. it was a small room, i don't think you could have missed me, to be honest. and the guitar player didn't. he can be seen here:
(c) i got the set list!!! woot! (well, nate got it for me.) the setlist can be seen here..
(d) the drummer came right up to me and nate and we got a fist pound!!! the drummer can be seen here..
(e) torquil was DIRECTLY in front of nate (about a foot and a half to my 2:00) so we had some quite intimate eye-contact-while-singing moments. torquil can be seen here..

so yeah, all in all they are FANTASTIC live. very dramatic and intense. torquil (who may have been a bit.. well.. let's just say he seemed to really appreciate amsterdam) was not at all what i expected. but clearly their music means the world to them. here's torquil singing to amy:

so. what else. well, on the bus ride on the way there i made an awesome friend. he was dutch, but had been living in CPH for about a year. since he was also learning danish, we discussed at length the hilarity and absurdity of the language (no offense, danes. but come on...). he said a sentence to me in danish and i understood it! and he was a vegetarian and had been to america a bit and was just generally fun to talk to so we had a lot to talk about. to give you a picture, without actually having one, let me describe him: between 25 and 40 (i really have no idea), with no hair (shaved? bald?) except for 4-5 dreadlocks from the nape of his neck down to his waist, this guy is wearing a black trench coat over a tshirt with a scary skull on it. and he sleeps by leaning his forehead on the seat in front of him. we exchanged a hug when we parted ways. i think he's my new best friend. it's sort of my first extended experience with conversing with a european (as sad as that is. my main exchanges are with the man who sells me the vegan pastries almost every day. and the danish consists of him saying like two words to me and me saying "what" and him laughing because he knows by now that i don't speak danish). anyway, so richard (that's my friend) and i had great conversation and he was quite nice to me. that made the first bus ride a lot more bearable, i must say.

a word about why this was such a great weekend for me. i mean, concerts are some of the most fun i can have, to be honest, so that's no surprise. but i realized, also, this was the most time i've spent just enjoying the present. if you don't know me well, i do not appreciate the moment very much at all. i'm always looking forward to other things. and i have to admit, i spend a LOT of time here going, "oh this is cool, i can't wait to go home and email my friends about it." and not really appreciating the moment. i think the times i've appreciated so far have been (a) the last night of bornholm, dancing on a rock by the seaside by moonlight, (b) all times in the graveyard, i love love love the graveyard (pics to be taken soonish)... oh my gosh is that it? that might be it. you know, DIS gave us the advice, "don't stay in your room talking to your friends on Instant Messenger all the time." and everytime i get on the computer, i think "am i spending too much time doing this?" and the answer is a resounding "probably." but i can't help it, i miss my friends, and i like telling them about my experiences. but anyway, it does make it so that i'm always looking forward to telling them about what's happening right now, instead of enjoying what's happening right now.
the moral of this story is that this weekend has been just about enjoying the hell out of one of my favorite bands--going to ridiculous length and expense to see them, challenging me to plan and execute the weekend, and not letting anything get me down. so, yes i reeked of smoke, yes, i spent 26 of the last 40 hours on a bus, but the whole time, all i could think was, 'HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWESOME.'
i think that's a big success for me.

so i think i'll end on that. there's more to say, but it can wait.