(originally written on xanga, like last week sometime)
okay so i have had the awesomest/weirdest dreams ever lately! last night i had a dream that me and some other nannies (my old job) were going over to this woman's house to take care of her kids and they were all baby animals!!! and i had this baby seal!!!..thing. it sort of had cute feet, which seals don't have.. it was like a cross between a baby koala (not the way they really are, which is apparently vicious and clawful, but how i want them to be: adorable and snuggly) and a baby seal, the seal's head, that is. the point is, it was all clingin to me ADORABLE-LIKE and it was pretty much the best thing ever.
i must deduce that this dream occurred on account of me lookin' at the websites of various animal liberation activist types yesterday. and signing some petitions about sea turtles, wolves, maybe seals, i don't remember. i did a few petitions. today i signed a petition for amnesty--did you know native american or alaskan women are 3 times more likely to get raped than other american women? 1 in 3 get raped at some point. isn't that awful? i don't quite understand why, and to be honest, i don't have the stomach to find out.
that's my problem with being an activist. i'm willing to sign petitions to save animals and stuff, but i can't possibly read all the info about the mistreatment. it makes me .. unable to function because it is too terrible. and it makes me hate people. so basically i find out enough to figure out what's probably the right thing to do, then i send a letter and move on. like going vegan, i think everyone needs to watch those peta videos about the mistreatment, but once you're vegan i say you're exempt. you're already doing what you can. it makes me lose faith in humanity--something i don't think i could possibly do and continue to live as i do now, i.e., within general social norms (barely).
on another note, my other dreams have been very inappropriate for general (or any) discussion lately. don't know what that's about.
grad school plans keep changing. i've been looking into some easier programs bc i'm getting very scared that i won't get in anywhere. here's the list
1. university of british columbia (please please please please)
1. a. (tied) university of toronto
2. university of washington
3. university of oregon
4. university of minnesota twin cities (apparently not a great program but high acceptance rate, thank stars)
5. university of michigan
6. university of massachusettes OR suny esf (don't really want to go to either, but hopefully they're easier)
those are MLA (masters of landscape architecture programs).
and as a back up,
7. portland state (which is a MUD - masters of urban design program)
i thought maybe i'd go for wisconsin-madison, bc it's easier since it's an MA or MS, but apparently that's not a degree even worth having in this field. too bad because that city is apparently all kindsa bikeyful. bikeyful=good city to me.
so i went camping this past weekend. i got a sweet new pack so we wanted to try it out, it was only about 20 pounds all packed bc my dad carried the food, but i didn't have any trouble with it at all so at least i feel like i COULD carry more. and there was some stiff hiking in there, straight up for a while. and we camped and i pretty much didn't sleep and then hiked back the next day.
so i think that right now i am some of the healthiest i have ever been since gymnastics. possibly even ever. it's a combination of things, but i have to say it has a lot to do with avoiding plastic. at work there are snacks but they all come in plastic, and so i just pack a lunch and suck it up till dinner. and , come on , when you go grocery shopping, just TRY to imagine not buying any plastic. it's very hard, but so much healthier! i buy vegetables sans bags (carrots spinach zucchini squash mushrooms), the mori-nu tofu that comes in a paper box, and whatever nuts/grains are available in bulk because i reuse old bags for that. plus peanut butter/oils/dressings/etc in glass bottles. it's very hard to eat crappy when you're buying like that. and don't think it's miserable--chocolate bars come in paper :D and soy frozen dessert type things are usually in cartons.
also, i get a bit of exercise. i walk two miles a day just for work, and then some nights and most weekends i either bike or hike or at least walk.
being at an office all day also helps. nothing like being AWAY from the kitchen to keep your meals balanced.
i've also been reading a lot of nutrition information lately, about vitamins and minerals and what you need based on your diet. with no supplements, i believe i do pretty frickin good. plus i've been drinking tons and tons of water.
the best part is, i'm not starving at all, i'm not miserable from dieting, i'm not overeating--i have a pretty good relationship with food i think--and even though i've lost a little weight, i really look pretty much not that different from ever else, but --this is the good part -- THAT'S OK. i'm healthy, and fitting some supermodel image is suddenly much less important than getting the nutrients i need every day. i thought that this mood was due to mike, but now that that's over, it seems to be continuing so i guess it's not an external source of approval, it's me. i desperately hope i can keep it up in denmark., where it will be more difficult to eat well, as well as the fact that apparently freakin everyone's thin. i think i can continue to be positive though. and hopefully i'll be biking a lot over there so i'll stay strong.
well this turned into a really long thing here. i guess that's because i feel that other people can benefit from these thoughts. i have friends who have eating problems, and i know there's a whole xanga community of girls TRYING to have eating problems, and i hope that maybe they can try to glimpse life outside that for a bit. also, i hope some people think about activism based on what i wrote earlier here. and what that means.
gosh look at me all wisdomy.
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